Time Flies with Big Changes

Life has been happening so fast lately. I can't believe April is almost over and my kids only have 30 more days of school. In the last month some major decisions and changes have been made and planned for. Before I say what has been going on I need to preface a little.

The Doctor and I have been married for almost 11 years. All but one of those years one or both of us have been in school. That is the path we chose since The Doctor is well....a doctor. June 30th marks the last day of his medical residency and then we will finally be out in the real world. This is the first time it is up to us to decide where to live when we are done. Picking which medical school to attend was determined by which one out of two we got into would be cheapest. Then, where we did residency was decided by a "match". Well, now it is up to us.

We began by trying to determine what sort of lifestyle we wanted to live post schooling. We know we want to get back to a part of the country that has 4 distinct seasons with each one lasting longer than at least 2 weeks before it changed. We want to live in a place that is on average cooler than where we are. We love the cooler weather or at least having it cool down in the evenings. A place closer to family, not too close, but close enough we could still be involved in the big things. I would love to live on a small piece of land (bigger than a lot in a neighborhood) and have chickens or some other type of farm animal. We want to be close to mountains for camping, hiking, and fishing.

With these things in mind we knew we wanted to be back west. Last fall we started applying for jobs in Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Alaska, Idaho, and even Arizona (had to appease the parents). We received 2 job interviews (most of the others already filled positions or didn't have any openings) in Anchorage, Alaska. We were super excited about the prospect of living in AK. The interview with one of the groups went well, we got the job offer and signed the contract. For the last 5 months we have been making arrangements to move to AK. We bought plane tickets to go house hunting, reserved the moving truck, and sold quite a bit of furniture we didn't want to move. Things were moving along.

A couple of days after we got back from Spring break another physician that The Doctor had worked with during medical school called to say they had a position open up with their group and asked if we wanted to come out for an interview. The job is in Idaho and at first we completely wrote it off because we had already signed a contract with Alaska. And come on, who lives in Idaho? It is way more fun to tell people you are moving to ALASKA then it is to tell them you are moving to Idaho. The reactions to AK range from "are you crazy?" to "awesome, I'm coming to visit".

Well, after letting it simmer for a couple of days we decided to go ahead and head out to Idaho. We only had 2 full days there so we had to make it count. The Doctor spent the first day interviewing and touring the hospitals and surgery centers while I went out with a realtor to check out the area. I think I had a more fun day doing walk throughs on 10 houses. The next day we both went out with the Realtor to show The Doctor the 2 houses I had narrowed it down to (assuming we were to move there) as well as one more house that we found the night before driving around.

The third house (the one we found driving around) was the perfect house. I was in love. The Doctor also fell in love with the job. Sure it pays less than the one in AK but the cost of living is less. If we move to AK we would not be able to afford buying a house that would meet the needs of our large family. In Idaho though we could buy my dream house. The house I would want to live in the rest of my life. I was sold right then and there. The job has the types of cases The Doctor wants, good hours, and a great working environment.  The house is on 1.45 acres, has chickens, a garden, and fruit trees. Plus it is located at the end of a culdesac with neighbors that are members of the LDS faith like us. The small city is 6 hours away from our family which is much closer than if we were living in AK. Things seemed too good to be true.

Well, a couple of days after we got back we were given the job offer and decided to accept. We are still sad that we will not get to live in Alaska but, vacationing to Alaska could be better. We wouldn't have to deal with the dark winters. We are mourning the loss of the adventures we had planned in our minds of camping, fishing, and hunting moose and bear in Alaska. However, we feel Idaho would be a better situation for our family and they have pretty great fishing and camping there too.

So, the reason the blog has been lacking in posts is because we have been busy making some pretty big decisions. We are content with our decision and are so excited to be moving onto our next adventure.

wow this post was really long. If you stuck with it thanks.

Our Love Story

BYU Preference March 2000

In honor of Valentine's day I've decided to share "our story". It all started one fall semester 12 years ago at BYU. I was a sophomore and The Doctor was a fresh returned missionary. For some crazy reason I was a declared Biology major which meant I was taking 2 Chemistry and a physics class in one fun semester. I'm sure any of these classes on their own would be fine but when your first priority was a social life it made studying and learning quite hard. The Doctor was a pre med major so naturally we had to take some of the same classes.

I sat nervously in the middle of the lecture hall of my first chem class on the first day of school and in walked this tall, handsome, lean machine. And I mean tall...6'7" tall. Compared to my 5'4" he towered over me. After mentally taking note of how good looking this man was I chided myself and said "you wouldn't have a chance. Tall guys go for tall girls".

Later that day I settled into my seat in physics and low and behold the same guy walked in. Once again I told myself he was out of my league.

Wouldn't you know it, the next day I found myself passing him on some stairs, he was going down and I was going up, and he smiled and said hi. I held composure even though my insides were jumping all over the place. I was on my way to get a drink. When I made it back to the classroom who was sitting there? The Doctor. I couldn't believe it. This class was a much smaller class so I knew we would have to meet and talk. Well, as the semester progressed The Doctor and I became good friends (after all, he was out of my league). He, another guy, and I ended up having 4 classes together that semester. The 3 of us became study buddies. Because I did not feel I had a chance with him I totally let my guard down. During study sessions we would talk about people we were dating and give relationship advice back and forth. If he had a bad date I heard all about it. By mid semester I had a steady boyfriend and I went as far as setting The Doctor up on a date with my taller roommate. We doubled and went and saw some Disney cartoon I believe at the $1 movie. I didn't find out until later but it drove The Doctor crazy to see me with my boyfriend. At the time he didn't understand it either because he had told himself that I was too short to date. He had a strict 5'7" or taller rule.

Shortly after Thanksgiving my boyfriend and I had broken up. The day after we broke up The Doctor took me on my first snowmobiling adventure. It was a blast until I crashed. That is another story all together. This little adventure was the first time the thought of me and The Doctor dating popped into my head.

Christmas break came and a guy I dated in HS was getting home from his mission. The Doctor of course new all about him. As is typical for most foreign return missionaries the guy was a little weird (sorry if you are reading this but you were). I remember calling The Doctor the first night I saw this other guy. I didn't know it at the time but he was on a date with his girlfriend but he still spoke with me.

After Christmas I changed majors which  meant no more classes with The Doctor. I assumed our friendship would wither. One time in January I remember running into The Doctor in the library and asking him when he was going to ask me out. He replied "when are you going to grow taller".

In February there was a holiday weekend. HS guy drove me and another friend of his home for the weekend. We had a great drive and I thought finally the weirdness was ending. The Doctor took his girlfriend to the family cabin (with the rest of the fam of course) for a weekend of snow mobiling. When I got back in town The Doctor called me and said he had just had the worst weekend. Apparently his girlfriend stayed inside the cabin the whole weekend knitting and didn't go out and play. I told him that's what he gets for dating someone 9 years older then him. He then told me he needed to go have some fun and he was coming by to pick me up and we were going miniature golfing. We told ourselves this wasn't a date because he still had a girlfriend. We were just 2 friends going to have fun together. For the next 2 weeks we "had fun" together. We went bowling, played pool, went roller blading,....basically everything his girlfriend wouldn't do. 

March brought Preference (BYU's girls choice dance). All of my roommates were going and I wanted to go to but didn't know who I preferred. I couldn't ask anyone from church because tongues would wag and my last boyfriend was in the same ward (congregation). I decided to ask The Doctor because we were just friends and he wouldn't read anything into it. Plus, he still had a girlfriend. I knew The Doctor didn't like to dance so I picked the Heber Creeper for our date. The Heber Creeper is a train that moves slowly around the mountains by Heaber and Dear Creek. They had a couple of cars set up for dancing and a couple passenger cars for sitting and talking. The Doctor and I spent most of the evening sitting and cuddling on the passenger train. No kissing, no hand holding. We just sat with his arm around me and talked non stop for hours. This night I knew there was chemistry between us and I wanted more then friendship. I found out later he felt it too.

The next day was a Sunday. I was in my apartment and really wanted to see him again. My roomies were there along with some of the guys from another apt. They all told me I should call and invite him over. So, I did. He sounded distant and pre-occupied while I spoke with him. I invited him over and he hesitated and then said sure. I hung up feeling deflated. When he arrived an hour or so later he told me he was in the process of breaking up with his girlfriend when I called.

Tuesday we skipped classes and went to Nutty Putty Caves together. We had our first kiss in the middle of a dark cavern. It was an awkward first kiss that left plenty of room for improvement. We practiced a few more times in the cave.

Friday I remember doing dishes in the kitchen and he was sitting at the table. I was discussing how excited I was that I got into an Apartment with my freshman year roommate that was close to campus and affordable. He looked up and asked "what if I ruined your plans?" He then told me how he has been getting the impression he should marry me. A couple weeks later I took him home to meet mom and dad. He asked Dad for permission to marry me. We got engaged officially engaged one month later on April 13th.

Nov 2010

I am so glad he decided to change his rule about dating 5'7" girls. I did however receive many bad looks from tall single girls on campus when we walked hand in hand. The way I see it, my sister married a man who was shorter than her so I was completely justified in marrying someone taller. The best part of the whole thing is we were always just naturally ourselves together. There was no awkward new dating because by the time we started dating we already knew so much about each other. He had even seen me in my glasses which is a very BIG deal. Things just flowed naturally and they do still today. We complete each others sentences and speak just what the other is thinking.  I now know why I was a Biology major for 3 semesters. Had I not been I may have never met the perfect man for me.

Date Night at Home

Having a weekly date night with your spouse is important for building and supporting your marriage. Sometimes it isn't always feasible to go out for a date due to finances. For many families the cost of a babysitter is more than the cost of the date itself. If money is tight for your family then plan a date where you stay at home. Either send the kids to a friends house or plan your date for after the kids are in bed.

Make it a special night, not like any other night at home. If you are going to have dinner then make it a candle light dinner and use the good china and silverware. Order in or make a meal that you don't normally make (because the kids don't like it.)

If you are going to watch a movie don't watch it in bed. You might have one or both of you fall asleep and that isn't much of a date. Select a movie that you can both agree upon. Get some great snacks. You can purchase theatre size candy at most dollar stores these days. The nice thing about watching a movie at home is you can really snuggle in and be close together and just enjoy the comfort of each other which isn't easy to do in the movie theatre.

There is no excuse for not having a weekly date night. Be creative and have fun.

Balancing Work and Family Life

It has been a little crazy around here since school started and I'm trying to balance everything out. So after a week my life isn't completely balanced out yet but it is significantly better. For some of you, work might be paid work and for others, work is housework. No matter what your work is, you need to have balance so you can have a happier and healthier you.

First you need to set a goal. What is your ultimate goal for you? Is it to have a happy/healthy family? Is it to see your kids grow into successful adults? Is it to have a home that others will feel welcome in? As you make decisions think about your goal and ask yourself how your decision will impact your ultimate goal.

Next, you need to determine what your values are. A value is defined by relative worth, merit, or importance. Sometimes our values can conflict with each other. For example, you might value getting to work early but you also value seeing your child off to school. When you are faced with conflicting values, look at your goal and choose which value is more important and act accordingly.

Setting priorities and managing time are two of the most important aspects of achieving a balanced life. Determine what you need to accomplish and when and write it down. Keep organized. My biggest problem is prioritizing. I spend a lot of time working on things that don't move me closer to my end goal. You may have daily priorities, weekly priorities, monthly priorities, and yearly priorities. Sometimes you can combine a couple of priorities and manage time better. Two of my priorities are spend individual time with my children and fold laundry. I can accomplish both of these by having a child work with me to fold the laundry. My child learns a skill and we have time to communicate with each other. On occasion, I have conflicting priorities. I like to have my kitchen cleaned before I leave the house but some mornings I haven't got it done and I need to leave to Yoga class, another priority of mine. When this happens I have to look at my overall day and determine which priority will benefit me most for the day.

The last thing to remember is to just let go. We can't be supermom/dad all of the time. The last couple of weeks I've realized I was trying to do too much at once and needed to let go of something. I chose not to post new blog posts and instead used the time to catch up on some much needed housework. If you are a mother you know guilt. Don't feel guilty for letting something go to achieve more balance. It is a waste of energy and time.

When, not if, you find your life out of balance, take a step back, look at your overall goal, reassess things, and make adjustments. The sooner you do so the better off life will be for you and your family.

Keeping the Romance Alive

I think keeping the romance alive is something every couple struggles with at one point or another in their relationship. There comes a point where we just go through the routine of life, get up, go to work, take care of children, do the things around the house, and go to bed just to start it all over again. We get so caught up in our own lives and needs that we forget about our partners. If you find that you are at a point where you are not getting the romance you need stop and ask yourself if you are giving the romance your partner needs. Romance is reciprocal, you get what you give. When you get to a "dull" point try doing this:

Make a list of 10 things that your partner can do to show he/she loves you. Have your partner make a list too, of the things you can do for him/her. You will find that men and women feel loved in different ways. Men tend to feel love with physical expressions like a kiss, or embrace. Women tend to feel love by words like actually saying "I love you" and by actions like notes or a phone call.

Share your lists with each other and discuss why you put what you put on your list.
Make it a point everyday to pick at least one thing from your partner's list and fulfill it. Do not repeat the same thing more than once a week.

I promise you that as you do something every day for your spouse that shows them your love, you will receive the same and the romance in your life will increase. I have experienced it in my own relationship as well as seen it in those around me.

What are some of the ways you and your partner keep the romance alive?