Problem Solved

We are out growing our house but have to stay in it for at least 10 more months. Na gets to share a room with her 2 little sisters. The girls bedroom is pretty large. So there is plenty of room for their beds plus, a dresser, book shelves, toys, and a place to play with all the toys. There is one problem with all of these girls with different personalities and at different stages in life sharing a room. At least a problem for Na. She is at a point where she has her "special" things and her little sisters get into them and destroy them. She doesn't have a place of her own.

This last weekend we gave her a safe place for her things. The bedroom closet is hers. We switched doorknobs with one that has a lock and key. She now has the ability to lock her closet and keep her stuff safe. I have a key too just in case she loses hers or so I can get in there if needs be. This will work until we move next year to a bigger house where she will finally be granted her own room.

Bye, Bye Binkie

There comes a time when a child just looks ridiculous sucking on a pacifier. For me, it hits right around the age of 2 1/2 years. When I see a child older than that walking around in public sucking on a pacifier it tells me the child is in charge. Now, this is strictly my opinion. My children all had pacifiers. I start to wean my children at 12 months. At this age they don't get to have their pacifier in public (except for church because the Binky does wonders at keeping a kid quiet). Once they hit 18 months of age I don't allow my kids to leave their bed with a Binky. They get to have it at nap time and bed time. It is a great way to help my children soothe themselves to sleep. Eventually though, they have to learn to fall asleep with out the aide of a Binky.

This time has arrived for KMae. She shares a bedroom with her 2 older sisters and they will be starting school in about 6 weeks. I figure if she is going to be crying herself to sleep it would be better to do it during the summer. At the beginning of last week she had 3 Binky's. One fell in a clogged toilet and rather than try and sterilize it I tossed it. One was left outside at a friends house and is now growing some black stuff inside of it. It got tossed. This morning she walked up to me and handed me her Binky and walked away. I took the time to snip the tip of it. I have found this to be the easiest way to wean a child from a Binky. It is easy to tell the child it is broken. She can see that and accept it. Here are some of the other methods I have tried.

For Na: One day when Bubs was a couple of weeks old I desperately needed a nap. I put Na (almost 3 years old) in her bed with her Binky and went to lay down with Bubs. Na decided this day she did not need a nap. I tried talking her into it but she wouldn't budge. Finally out of desperation I gave her a choice. I said "you can either go get in bed with your Binky and take a nap or you can go throw it in the garbage and stay up". I thought for sure she would go take a nap rather than throwing away her Binky but she didn't. She proudly threw it away and she got to stay up. At bedtime she asked for her Binky and I reminded her she threw it away and she accepted that and was fine.

For Bubs: One day I just got tired of seeing Bubs (maybe 2 yrs old) with a Binky so I took him to Build-a-Bear and he shoved all of his Binky's into a dog we named Binky. Once we got back to the car he was crying for his Binky and trying to rip open the dog. At bedtime when he asked for it I gave him the dog and he through it across the room. He cried for several nights for his Binky. It wasn't until a year ago that he started liking the dog. This was not the best idea because he knew his Binky's were there he just couldn't get to them.

For LuLu: Before KMae was born I knew LuLu needed to be weaned of the Binky or she would be trying to steal it from the baby. So, I read about the tip cutting and gave it a try. She understood broken and accepted it. I'm hoping it works the same for KMae.

What are ways you have used to wean your child from a Binky? I'll keep you posted on how successful it is for KMae.

Tips to get Children to do Chores

When I was growing up I was fortunate (or unfortunate depending on how you look at it) to have an older sister whom I shared a room with who liked to have things clean and tidy. I never had to clean my room because my sister always did it for me. She was constantly moving around the entire house helping my mother out with different tasks. When she was around 14 years old the neighbor paid her to clean her house. And today, my sister still has the same work ethic in her own home. She doesn't go to bed until everything is in it's place. I think my sister was born with a clean gene which some how passed me by. So, the point of this story was to show that some children clean and do chores with out having to be asked, they see a problem and fix it. Other children, I fall into this category, need incentive or lots of reminders to get things done. Here are a few ideas for getting children to do chores.

Sometimes changing your wording is all that needs to be done. Instead of saying "go clean your room" try changing it to sound like something fun. Say something like "I'm going to set the timer for ___ minutes and if you can clean your room and beat the clock then we are going to do XYZ." The incentive can be whatever you want it to be, extra story at bedtime, go outside to play, special time with mom, etc.

Create a duty chart and let your children know that the TV and video games don't get watched/played until the chores are done. Don't' forget to rotate the duties weekly.

Make it fun by making a game out of it. Beat the clock is one my children love. We often create toy chains or book chains which are like an assembly line. One child picks up the toy and then passes it down the line to the last person who puts it in place.

Music can make things fun and move faster. My children always know when I'm in the cleaning mood when I put on my upbeat dance music. Put on some up beat children's music and show them how to clean to the beat.

Make sure the chore is age-appropriate. It doesn't make sense for me to have a 2 year old unload the dishwasher since she can't reach most of the places the dishes go. However, she can set the table if I pull everything out for her.

Before you just start assigning duties to kids explain to them why you are doing it. They are smart and will be able to understand the amount of work for one person to run a house is too much and it would be easier if everyone pitched in. They just need it brought to there attention and explained at a level they can understand.

There are so many ways you can teach children to do chores that I'm sure I missed a bunch. Please share what works for your family.

Giving Children an Allowance

Giving children and allowance has many benefits.

• Teaches money management skills. Don't just hand your children money. Make sure you teach them what it means to save. Teach them to pay a 10% tithe and to place 10-20% away for savings. Help your child determine a goal for their savings. For example, if there is a new video game they want explain to them how much money they need to get that game. Place a picture of it somewhere where they can be reminded that that is what they are saving for. Teaching these skills when they are young can help them avoid money problems as adults.
  
• Avoid having them ask you for money all the time. When your children have their own money to spend and they ask you for something from the store you can just remind them they have their own money.
  
• Teaches children the value of money. How often do your children see you handle actual money? I know mine only see me with credit cards and checks. Giving children cash helps them see that when it is gone it is gone.
  

So, when should you start giving an allowance, how much should you give, and how should you do it?

Most children learn about money at school when they are around 6 years old. At this age they can better understand the concepts associated with money management. But you can start teaching the concept of paying for goods as early as 3 years.

The amount to give varies from family to family. I have heard half of their age in dollars or a dollar per year of their age. Some families can afford more while others need to stick with less. Do what is best for your family. Older children may be responsible for buying their own personal toiletry items so make sure the allowance covers the cost of those items and leaves a little extra money for spending.

How often you give the allowance depends on the age of the child. Young children should be paid weekly while older children can be paid bi-weekly or monthly to teach long term budgeting.

I personally believe you should not tie allowances to chores, at least not the chores that need to be done just because your child is a part of the family. You shouldn't pay your child to clean up the toys they left out, make their bed, put clothes away, etc. It's better to remove a privilege if they fail to do those chores. But, make a list of extra chores they can do that pay like, raking the leaves, wiping the base boards, dusting the blinds, etc.

Remember, it is better to start an allowance when the child is younger than to do it when they are a teenager because you can solidify good financial habits early.

Letter to all New Moms

Dear New Mom,

Congratulations on your new arrival! Your life as you knew it has changed forever but as you look down on your little bundle of joy you know just like I knew, it changed for the better. If there is one piece of wisdom I could pass onto you it would be: Remember, this too shall pass.

The lack of sleep in the middle of the night will eventually pass. The first night your little one sleeps through the night you will wake up in a panic thinking something is wrong but you will soon realize your baby is managed to sleep 6-8 hours straight.

The crying does stop. Eventually they will go from crying to whining to grunting. Just be patient, it will pass.

If your baby spits up, about the time you start solids regularly it will slow down and eventually stop.

When your baby is crawling and putting small things in their mouth remember, this too shall pass (so long as it is actually swallowed and not stuck).

Most importantly, the time your little one is little will go by all too quickly so take the time to just enjoy your baby, because this too shall pass into a teenager.

Love,

a Mom who wishes the time wouldn't pass so fast.

Family Game Night

Looking for a way to connect with your family while having a good time? Try establishing a family game night. Family game nights are perfect for any family no matter what age your children are. Playing games allows you to make memories together. Looking back on most of my childhood memories they revolve around playing games together. Every time my family gets together to play games we frequently reminisce about things that were done and said during past games. Games are great ways to learn more about each other too. If you play a game like Zobmondo: Would You Rather you can see how your family members think.Games are a fantastic way to interact with your children and teach them at the same time. For young children Candy Land can help them learn to take turns and learn colors. Chutes and Ladders helps children learn to count as well as deal with the disappointment of the slide. For kids that are a little older, Battleship can teach some strategy. Who didn't learn about money and real estate by playing Monopoly?

My new favorite game is Ticken To Ride. It's fair to say I'm addicted to playing it online even though we have the actual board game too. If you want to know more about TTR Crystal's Cozy Kitchen does a great job of describing how to play the game.

The most important thing about a family game night is making sure everyone is having fun. Although it is nice to win, teach your children how to lose graciously. Young children have a hard time losing so help them understand that just because they lost one game doesn't mean they will lose them all.

The next time you are looking for something to do, stay home and pull out the games. By doing this you will create family bonds and memories that will last a lifetime.

Tips for Roadtrips with Young Children

Spring break is coming up. I'm so excited to be able to sleep in every morning. My brother and his family are going to be driving 14 hours to spend their Spring break with us next week. They have decided to drive through the night so their kids sleep. That method does not work for my husband and I. We need our sleep.
Long car trips can be difficult if you are traveling with small children. I have 4 children 8 years old and younger and have experience with long road trips (14-24 hours) with my children. Here are a few of my suggestions when traveling with young children.
· Snacks: Pack plenty of snacks that are easily passed around and eaten in the car or plane. With pre-sliced apples and baby carrots, there is no need to just eat junk food either. You might want to purchase special treats that the kids have never had before. Make sure to pack paper towels and hand wipes.

· Eat meals at parks or places that have children’s play areas. Make sure you a lot time for the kids to run around and play. They need to get their energy out.

· Movies: I know something is lost when the trip is spent watching movies; seeing the scenery, enjoying the journey, fighting kids, questions like “are we there yet”. But, having a DVD player in the car or a personal DVD player can make the trip go faster for the kids. Plus when they ask “how much longer” you can put it in their terms “When Shrek is over” or “by the time you watch 2 more movies we’ll be there”.

· Music: Bring along music that your children like too. We love rocking to vegetales.

· Activities/games/toys: Search and find books are great for older children. Coloring books are also good and a clipboard provides a good hard surface for them to write on in their laps. Car bingo is also a fun one. I have a friend who buys little $1 toys and wraps them up and every couple of hours she gives the kids a toy to unwrap.

· Plan for the potty breaks. I have a daughter who refuses to use public bathrooms if there is any sort of smell or mess in them. As you can imagine it makes it hard to find a gas station with a clean enough restroom. So, I bring sanitizing wipes and maybe air freshener with me to make the bathroom acceptable to her. You could also pack a child’s portable potty with you too.

· If you have time, enjoy the journey. Stop at tourist places along the way and see what small towns and cities have to offer.

· Drive during your child’s sleep time. If you have a child who can sleep in the car then consider driving at night or during nap times. My sister has 6 children so she and her husband choose to drive through the night because there are fewer potty breaks, arguing, and traffic. I have tried this method and the kids do travel better but it was misery for my husband and I. We do not drink caffeine so it was hard for us to stay awake. However, if you are a good night driver it might be a good method for you.

Birds and the Bees

A difficult conversation.

For the last year I have been preparing myself for a conversation I will be having with my oldest child sometime in the not too distant future. I was in 3rd grade when I learned about the birds and the bees. I didn't learn from my parents or any of my 5 older siblings. I learned it at girls scouts. We had a meeting at one of the girl's house and there were a couple of Moms there and a nurse. I'm sure my parents gave permission for this to happen or I wouldn't have been there. I don't ever remember my mom having a conversation with me about sex other than it is for a husband and wife after they are married. Fortunately, by the time I was married (still a virgin) I'd had sex ed so many times and I picked up on conversations here and there by siblings and more experienced friends that I did not feel unprepared. But, looking back, I wish I could have talked to my mom more about "girl" things. Sure we talk a little about stuff today but it still feels a little awkward. It was just a different time and people didn't talk about those things.

We live in a time now where it seems you can't go a day with out hearing or seeing something related to sex. I don't want my daughter learning about these things from someone other than me. From the day she was born I have been preparing for this conversation by using the correct terms for anatomy. I think just saying the words is where most of the uncomfortableness comes from. I don't want to blush and I don't want her to either when I say penis or vagina. They are only parts of a body.

I'm not going to go into all the details of everything at this point. She is only 8 after all. But, I plan on teaching her about periods and why we have them. If she asks questions about other things I will answer them honestly. This will be a difficult conversation for me though. Not because of the subject matter per say but because it means my baby is growing up and I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.

Entertaining Children through long Doctor Office Visits

Last week I had the joy (read with thick sarcasm) of taking my three youngest kids to the doctors office 3 times. Once for a well check for my baby which they didn't tell me they had to cancel until I got there. A second time for a sick visit, and the third time was for the re-scheduled well check. I don't know about you but my doctor's office is completely inefficient and if I have an appointment I better plan at least an extra hour time there. So what do you do to entertain your children during those long visits? Here are some of my ideas.

• Small toys- Take a few of their small toys that they can play with. My son loves to take his Hot Wheels while my daughter likes ponies or babies. Remember to sanitize the toys when you leave to clean off any germs they picked up.
  


• Crayons- Take crayons and stickers to decorate the paper on the exam table in the room.
  


• Books- You might consider taking some books that your children like to read.
  


• Snacks- Depending on when your appointment time is, it might run over into a meal or snack time. If you have snacks on hand you can avoid the melt downs associated with hunger. Make sure it is a snack that won't leave a big mess.
  


• Magazines- Most offices have a stack of magazines. I sometimes hand each child a magazine and send them on a scavenger hunt to find different objects in the magazine. For example: find a purple flower, a ball, or a red car. This can keep them entertained for a while just make sure the objects aren't too hard to find.
  

These are just a few of the things I have tried. I want to know what you do to help pass the long waits. Please share your thoughts and ideas.

Putting and End to Tantrums

You've probably been a witness of a tantrum whether it be your own child’s or that of another child. They can be frustrating and downright embarrassing when in public. How do put an end to a tantrum? Or better yet, how do you prevent them from occurring?

Let's start with preventing a tantrum. If you have a child prone to tantrums, make sure to catch the child being good and comment on it to them. I haven't met a child yet who didn't like approval.

Choose your words wisely. Instead of saying "no" to a request try saying it like this; "Yes as soon as....." Fill in the blanks with what they need to do. "Yes you can have the candy after you eat something nutritious." More often than not, the word "no" elicits tantrums so avoid saying the word.

Toddler's desperately desire more independence so give your toddler control over some things by giving choices. Let them choose between two outfits or several meal choices. I have a child who occasionally doesn't want to go to bed at night so I give her the choice of hopping like a bunny or riding a horse to bed. She has the choice of how she gets there and I still get the end result of bedtime.

Hide tantrum triggers. If it is close to dinnertime and you know your child is going to ask for the cookies he sees and it is not an option, then make sure the cookies are out of sight. Out of sight out of mind right?

Choose your battles. Think about the request your child has made. Some things really aren't important. I have a child who has gone to school in the middle of winter in shorts and a t-shirt because I chose not to argue with her about what she was wearing. Guess what? I saved the energy from the argument and she learned on her own that it is not a good idea to wear shorts and t-shirts in the middle of winter.

Know your child's limits. Don't take your child to the grocery store when they are tired or hungry. That is just asking for a tantrum.

Those are just a few ideas to avoid the tantrum. Now here are some ways to handle the tantrum.

First and foremost, keep your cool. If you raise your voice and tense up you are just throwing fuel on the fire. Use calm words with your child. Some children can calm down just from the sound of your voice.

Try to understand where your child is coming from. Put yourself in their shoes and choose words that they can understand. Validate your child by saying things like "I know you are sad because you really wanted to play with that truck but John has it now." and then suggest another option.

Redirection and distraction are powerful tools. As in the example above, suggest something else that would be acceptable. While at the park you see an ice cream stand, redirect your play to another side of the park. At the grocery store I try and distract my children from the "I want..." by having them hold my grocery list and check off items as we add them to the cart.

Simply ignoring the tantrum can put an end to it. Children throw tantrums to get a desired result but if no one is listening then what is the point? If one of my children is throwing a tantrum I just calmly say "Let me know when you are ready to talk about it" and then I walk away. However, make sure that you do not leave your child completely alone because this can lead them to feel abandoned which can create a whole other set of problems. Send older children to their room until they can cool off instead of for a specified amount of time. This gives them the power to get control.

Give a great big, firm hug in the middle of or just after a tantrum. This reassures the child that you love them even when they behave badly. I've been doing this with my oldest lately. Sometimes she tries to push me away and other times she just absorbs the embrace and calms down.

Don't be afraid to use a little bribery. Bribery is best when it is done ahead of time and on your terms. Tell your child before that if they are good they will get to watch a movie when you get home.

Most importantly, be consistent! If your child knows exactly how you are going to respond then they are less likely to throw a tantrum.

These are just a few of my ideas. I want to know, what are your tantrum stories?

Stopping Tantrums Before they Start

It starts around the time your child hits two years old. It can be known as the "terrible twos". I prefer to call it the "Terrific Two's." It can be frustrating while you are there but take another look. Look at everything your child is discovering on there own. They learn that if they stack this on that they can get way up there to get the candy/cookies. They learn that if lotion feels really good on their hands then it must feel good all over their body and the dogs too. They can also learn to cry and scream in the right manner to get exactly what they want. This age is where they train mom and dad to giving in by throwing a tantrum. You know you have seen it, crying, whaling, gnashing of teeth, and sometimes there is kicking and flailing on the ground. If you see this on a regular basis they have trained you well. If you never see this behavior then you do not need to keep reading. The trick to dealing with tantrums is stopping them before they begin.

You need to understand what the triggers are for your child. If it is sweets and cookies, make sure they are out of sight. Out of sight out of mind definitely plays a big part in the early years. Kids usually want everything they see (except the vegetables on their dinner plate). The biggest things children want is autonomy. They want to do everything them self and be in control of everything around them. When they hear "no" they are not getting to control and that little word is enough of a trigger to get them in full tantrums. So, the key is making your child feel like they are in control even though you really are. Give your child lots of acceptable choices. Here is an example:

(you're at the park with your child)
Mom: It's time to go. Let's
go.
Child: No. I don't want to go.
Mom: We need to go now. We've been here
long enough.
Child: (now crying) I don't want to go.
Mom: (chasing child
around the playground) Come here now so we can leave. If you don't.......
(finally catch child)
Child: (full an tantrum ensues,and everyone at the park
is staring)

Here is an example of using choices

Mom: (15 minutes before it is time to go) It's getting time to go,
would you like to leave now or in 15 minutes?
Child: 15 minutes!
Mom: (15
minutes later) Okay, it's time to go.
Child: But I want to stay
longer.
Mom: I know but remember I gave you the choice to leave or stay 15
minutes? The 15 minutes is up and now it is time to go.
Child: okay
Mom:
Would you like to hop like a bunny to the car or gallop like a horse?
Child:
hop!
And they happily hop to the car.

All your child really wants is control so give choices as much as possible. There will come times when there are no choices. Just remind your child you give them choices all day long and this time it is your turn to make the choice. Early childhood is for learning boundaries and they will test you all the time. Remain firm and you will be tested less and less. Give in and they will continue to test you.